Monique

• OCCUPATION: Haunting Spirit.
• RESPONSIBILITIES: Making strange couples hook up at the Den.
• BIO: Monique is the ghost of the 17th Century French whore that inhabits the Den of Iniquity. For whatever reason, people that should *not* be shacking up together keep waking up next to each other in compromising positions. Some would blame this on the tequila and the inordinately high ratio of horizontal surfaces per capita in the Den, but we know the truth: Monique demanded another sacrifice.

Eric

• OCCUPATION: IT Consultant
• RESPONSIBILITIES: Paying the bills. Professional Bad Influence(tm). Master of Ceremonies for the Den. Makes breakfast for anyone left standing on Saturday mornings. Keeping Hollie very happy.
• BIO: C'est moi. I own the house, I run the website, I bend the laws of physics at will. I live in The Ivory Tower.

Ben

• OCCUPATION: Jobless Intellectual
• RESPONSIBILITIES: Staff psychologist. Fixes the people Eric breaks. Fixes the people Ben breaks. Fixes people. Also buys stuff to take care of the pool and wears leather pants, but not at the same time.
• BIO: Ben isn't gay -- he's a New Yorker that had the misfortune to be born in the midwest. It's only our bad sensibilities that make us think he has some "tendancies". Ben's primary role on the S.S. Den of Iniquity is that of staff psychologist. He has helped a great many people become acclaimated to life at the Den. And kept them from stabbing Eric in the head with a pair of chopsticks. Ben lives in The Jungle Room.

Brandon

• OCCUPATION: Does cool shit with electrons.
• RESPONSIBILITIES: Fixing his broken bed. Layout and design for the den. Buying toilet paper. Making breakfast burritos. Lawncare and landscaping. Wearing women's pants from The Limited.
• BIO: Brandon (along with Eric) read entirely too much sci-fi growing up. This is probably why they take life at the Den in stride. Brandon spends most of his time sleeping or working, or in front of one of the computers in NORAD. He is the bound concubine of Brenda. Brandon can be found at The Drafting Board.

Brenda

• OCCUPATION: Sells medical equipment and chemicals
• RESPONSIBILITIES: Breaking Brandon. Making sure strange concoctions are left in the kitchen to puzzle the rest of the house, and fixing bizarre nighttime snacks.
• BIO: Brenda is the first on the list who doesn't actually live at the Den. She is the reason that Eric and Brandon met, and therefore is owed much credit to the formation of the Den of Iniquity. She's also the worlds biggest sweetheart, and if she doesn't like you, then you should, for the rest of humanities sake, seriously consider suicide. Chances are that if Brenda doesn't like you, noone else on the planet will like you either.

Shawn

• OCCUPATION: Driving other people's cars.
• RESPONSIBILITIES: House bitch. Brings us smokes, beer, food. Cleans the pool. Tags all the young girls that we'll never see again.
• BIO: Shawn is Brandon's little brother. He started hanging out here to avoid being put to work at his parents house, and instead found himself put to work for the Den of Iniquity. He's now oficially the pool-boy.

Alison

• OCCUPATION: Waitress, Retail Associate.
• RESPONSIBILITIES: Exotic Dancing. Doing pretty things with sun and water.
• BIO: Alison is one of the first people to be adopted into the Den's extended family. It is partly to her credit (along with Lisa) that we have the Instant Lesbian Soundtrack.

Lisa

• OCCUPATION: Ex-wedding planner. Temptress.
• RESPONSIBILITIES: Gardening. Exotic Dancing. Doing pretty things with sun and water. Buying groceries.
• BIO: Lisa came into the Den with a bang, opening her first night there by repeatedly calling me a geek for working on the computer, and making fun of Brandon for wearing women's pants. It is partly to her credit (along with Alison) that we have the Instant Lesbian Soundtrack.

Nicole

• OCCUPATION: Distracting children with small shiny objects
• RESPONSIBILITIES: Driving the really cool Jeep. Finding new bars.
• BIO: Nicole is the apocryphal little sister to Ben, and has hence been adopted by the rest of the Den of Iniquity.

Danielle

• OCCUPATION: Stunt double for Angelina Jolie. Hauling cadavers.
• RESPONSIBILITIES: Quietly observing the madness around her. Heading up the Emergency Philosophical Response Unit (EPRU).
• BIO: ?

Tim

• OCCUPATION: Medical Student
• RESPONSIBILITIES: House doctor, specializing in puncture wounds and strange rashes.
• BIO: Tim is our overworked and underpaid resident doctor. He can often be found showing up at bars without warning, or near the pool. Chances are, he's talking to the prettiest girl in the room, which is why he often sports that confused/undecided look when visiting the Den.

Hollie

• OCCUPATION: Jobless Intellectual
• RESPONSIBILITIES: Keeping Eric very happy. Housecleaning. Professional catalyst for sketchy behavior.
• BIO: Things have always been fun around the Den, but when Hollie showed up, it became the institution that it is today. Hollie is the official catalyst for sketchy behavior, and has become the unofficial ringleader for the rest of the women at the house when they want to misbehave. She's the reason we need the Instant Lesbian Soundtrack.

Shane

• OCCUPATION: Drives forklifts off docks. Bouncer.
• RESPONSIBILITIES: Retreiving stolen property.
• BIO: Shane is the world's greatest wingman.

Nancy

• OCCUPATION: News Reporter
• RESPONSIBILITIES: Not writing about anything she sees at the Den of Inituity. Having brunch with Eric every Sunday.
• BIO: Nancy runs the Sattelite office of the Den of Iniquity. Each Sunday, she and I get together to relate the stories of our past week to each other. This week should be the hallmark week where she starts hanging out with us. And we all know what it means once that happens.